MegaCorporation CHAANK ARMAMENTS is the world’s leader in weapon’s manufacturing and development. Their latest experiment in cybernetically enhanced super soldiers is a complete failure; resulting in the deaths of dozens of civilians. As a result, the newly appointed CEO, Hayen Cale decides to terminate the contract of the one responsible: Jake Dante. Unfortunately, Jake doesn’t take this news lightly and unleashes his latest project – a death machine called the War Beast – into the building with the intention of slaughtering everyone involved in his termination. Cale, along with a band of coworkers and misfits, must now find a way out of the building before it’s too late.
(Non-Spoiler) Review:
I have a soft spot for these weird B-Movies that existed during the mid 80s to late 90s. Especially when they involve killer machines and practical effects. I don’t know what it is that I love about them. I just know that I do.
1984’s Chopping Mall is the best example I can think of when describing this sub-genre. It’s just a bunch of clunky robots rolling about, killing everything in their path. It’s silly, it’s absurd, and it’s a lot of fun to watch.
Death Machine falls into that same absurdity pool that birthed Chopping Mall. You’d think a movie about a giant killer machine that resembles a walking bear-trap covered in Raptor Talons would be dumb.
And you’d be right. It is dumb, but it is dumb in all the right ways. Okay. Death Machine is this weird, hyperactive work of art that somehow balances horror with insanity.
How do I mean? Well, let me give you an example.
There is a moment in the movie where our villain, Jack Dante (Played by the delightfully entertaining Brad Dourif) is threatening our protagonist Hayden Cale (Ely Pouget). He is trying to blackmail her into sleeping with him to which she responds by putting a gun to his head.
Dante then goes to his knees and continues talking dirty. It is at this point that we realize that to Dante, this is just foreplay. He’s getting off on it. Only when she pulls the hammer back on the gun does he realize that she is serious.
Now, by itself, this scene sounds rather tense. Our hero is dealing with a sick, sexual deviant who clearly gets off on violence. It’s impactful and gives us some insight to how Dante’s twisted little mind works.
But then the scene keeps going. After apologizing for not realizing that it was “Her time of the month.”, Dante raises his arms and runs out of the room while pretending to be an airplane.
I could not make this up even if I tried.
This is only the tip of the insanity ice burg. You have eco-terrorists quoting Street Fighter during combat. Then there are the characters named after famous horror icons (My favorites being a pair named Waylen and Yutani respectively). Then you got the War Beast itself. It is this obscenely gigantic practical puppet that somehow looks as badass as it does ridiculous. And finally you have Brad Dourif himself who chews the scenery as a mouse does cheese.
Seriously, what even is this movie?
I’ll tell you. The movie is Fun. It is well paced, comedically written, enthusiastically weird, and entertaining as hell.
Hello everyone, Mazer here and I would like to take some time talk about the passion of “Middle-Tier” developers. That is, developers of video games who do not make so-called “AAA” titles, but instead these smaller games that tend to reflect their personal interests and passions.
However, I would like to take this time to apologize for our lack of content recently. To make a long story short – things have just been too hectic and too hot for me to sit at my home computer to write. Seriously, it is currently 21:38 as I write this and my phone tells me that it is 105 degrees outside. It’s insane.
That said, I would like to take a moment to share with you this clip from our most recent Live Stream: No More Heroes 3.
No More Heroes is about an otaku named Travis Touchdown who wants to be the world’s best assassin. Why? Well the answer is simple. So he can get laid, of course! I’d go into further detail but that’s a story for another post.
The series is the brain child of Goichi Suda, otherwise known as Suda51. He tends to include his passions into his games; passions such as music, anime, horror movies, and sci-fi. Every one of his games from Lollipop Chainsaw to No More Heroes is just oozing with personality and style. It’s no reason why I love his games. And as of last Friday, I finally completed his latest game: No More Heroes 3.
Now it is a tradition of mine to share my thoughts and feelings on a game during the ending credits. No More Heroes 3 was no exception. This time, however, I went into a little rant concerning my love for auteurs like Suda51. About how their games come from a place of love instead of a cooperate office.
I would like to share that rant with you today. So please, sit back, have a drink, and let’s gush about these passionate, and talented, developers.
If I may be so bold; we are experiencing a new Horror Renaissance. The last time Horror achieved this kind of fame and popularity, it was during the late 90s with the release of SCREAM. Before then, horror was a bit stagnant. We had some good hits, sure, but it was becoming a bit repetitive. SCREAM changed that with its unflinching violence and meta commentary. Then we had the rise of so-called “Torture Porn” with SAW and HOSTEL followed by the Remake/Reboot Revolution.
Then, around 2009/2010, we entered a new age of Horror. One that focused more on creative freedom. Leading the charge was Blumhouse Productions – a production studio that focused on lower-budgeted movies in exchange of higher creative freedoms. This method has done wonders for the studio as it produced such blockbusters as the Paranormal Activity, Insidious, and Purge franchises. They also produced some of the last 10 years’ most acclaimed horror movies like The Invisible Man (2020), Get Out (2017), Upgrade (2018), Halloween (2018), and M3GAN (2023).
Then we have MonkeyPaw Productions which co-produced the aforementioned Get Out along with US, (2019), Candyman (2021), and my personal favorite, NOPE (2022).
But it’s not just production companies. We’ve seen a rise of new blood as well. Writer/Directors such as Ari Aster (Midsommer, Hereditary), Robert Eggers (VVITCH, The LightHouse, The Northman), Mike Flannigan (Oculus, Haunting of Hill House, and The Fall of the House of Usher), and James Wan (SAW, Conjuring, Insidious).
Included in this new renaissance is Abigail production/directorial studio Radio Silence. Known for their over-the-top violence and humor (SCREAM, SCREAM VI, Ready or Not), Radio Silence is quickly becoming one of my favorite new studios.
So how did they do with their latest project? Well let’s talk about it and find out. This is our review on Radio Silence’s Abigail.
Story
Abigail is the story of the titular character and her kidnappers. A mysterious man named Lambert (Giancarlo Esposito) hires a crew of six to assist him in finding, and capturing, the daughter of a rich man. The daughter in question is the 12-year-old ballerina Abigail.
The kidnapping goes off without a hitch. They abduct Abigail and deliver her to Lambert. Now, the only thing left for them to do is wait for the ransom. Once paid, they will find themselves 7 million dollars richer.
What the team doesn’t know is that there is more to this mission than meets the eye. Now they must work together if they hope to make it through the night in one piece.
**WARNING SPOILERS FROM HERE ON. IF YOU WISH TO AVOID SPOILERS, PLEASE SCROLL TO OUR CONCLUSION**
REVIEW (SPOILERS)
I do not normally include spoilers in our reviews but Abigail forces my hand. If you have watched the trailers, then you already know what I am about to say. If you haven’t – then this is your final warning.
The trailers (as well as all promotional media) show Abigail for what she truly is. A centuries-old, blood thirsty vampire. One who turns the tables on her kidnappers; turning them into her playthings. As a result, we get an absolutely hilarious bloodbath where a 12-year-old little girl beats the ever living hell out of a group of several able-bodies adults.
It is this kind of absurdity that Radio Silence excels at. We see this in SCREAM VI but more so in what I consider their best movie; Ready or Not. Like Ready or Not, Abigail’s humor stems from the absolute insanity of the situation.
Watching 14-year-old Alisha Weir tearing through a bunch of grownups is a joy to watch. Whether its tossing a 250lb man like a Cabbage Patch doll or dancing ballet while approaching her victims; she is a delight to watch. Seriously; this young actress steals the show with every scene she is in.
But it’s not just Alisha’s performance that sells the movie but the other cast members as well. In lesser hands, Abigail would be the movie’s only highlight. The other characters would be mindless meat-bags who serve little purpose other than padding the body count. With Radio Silence, however, each character is wonderfully fleshed out and developed. Not to say there is some hidden depth in these characters. More like they all have well-written, distinguishable personalities that add to the movie’s overall tone and humor.
One particular scene comes to mind. After learning the truth about Abigail, the surviving members get together to come up with a plan of attack. Using vampires in pop-culture, they devise a series of weapons to either kill, or at the least, subdue Abigail. The leads to some brilliant character moments as they argue over the types of vampires seen in movies and how each movie kills them differently. It’s a fun and smartly written bit of comedy that I truly enjoyed watching.
Of course I would be remiss if I didn’t talk about the gore – which this movie has in spades. There is SO MUCH blood in this movie that it makes the elevator scene from The Shining look like a mere puddle. Some of the sets literally get caked with the stuff – a majority of which being done practically which I am all here for.
The action sequences of similar quality. Watching the different characters taking turns beating on, or getting beaten up by, Abigail is entertaining as hell. I don’t know what it is but seeing a 14-year old beating a giant muscle-bound man senseless is just funny to me. It is even funnier when the same man chucks the girl into a wall before running away.
Off the top of my head, I cannot really think of any real flaws that hinder the movie. If anything, all I can say is that it isn’t as funny as their previous movies. I think Ready or Not delivered upon its absurdity better than Abigail does and I also feel like Ready or Not’s higher body count allowed for some more creative and memorable deaths.
Perhaps that is what I am trying to get at. With only 6 criminals and 1 killer, they really couldn’t give us a high enough body count to showcase Abigail’s brutality. After the initial kills, the rest of the movie is more of a cat-and-mouse sequence revolving around the survivors avoiding Abigail while coming up with a means for escape. With Ready or Not, we had a huge cast to take advantage.
I don’t mean to compare the two but with such similar premises, it is hard not too. That said, Abigail still succeeds in its premise; for which I am grateful.
Conclusion
Good horror comedies are hard to come by. I feel like most revolve a silly premise and stick to that premise as their primary source of comedy. The downside to this approach is that the joke wears thin by the third act. You can only repeat the same joke so many times before it gets old.
Then you get those horror comedies that take that silly premise and build upon it. The joke evolves as the movie goes on. Abigail is one of those movies. It could have easily been a generic monster movie with brainless, one-note characters and lots of gore but it instead delivers us some witty banter, intense action sequences, and some pretty damn good acting.
The cast is great – again with Abigail actress Alisha Weir stealing the show – the practical effects are delightfully gory and over-the-top, and the fight scenes entertaining as hell. While not as funny or corpse-filled as Ready or Not, it is still a fun movie for anyone seeking a bloody good time.
Legend of Dragoon is a JRPG developed by Japan Studio and released on the Playstation 1 in 2000 (United States). It follows the story of a young man named Dart who is on a journey to find his family’s killer. Along the way, he meets up with a group of characters and together they end up tasked with saving the world from an ancient evil.
I bought Legend of Dragoon at launch though I didn’t actually play it until this year (2024). Why? I don’t know. This was during the height of Final Fantasy’s popularity – with Final Fantasy IX coming out the same year. It would not surprise me that I set Legend of Dragoon aside in favor of Final Fantasy IX. IX is hands down my favorite of the 3D Final Fantasy games so it makes sense that I gave it all my attention.
After that, I just never got around to Legend of Dragoon. However this year I decided to stream a butt-load of JRPGs on my twitch channel. We started with Skies of Arcadia, then Secret of Mana, and we just recently finished Legend of Dragoon.
So. How did Legend of Dragoon fair? Was it a fine glass of wine that gets better with age or did it turn into so much vinegar in our mouths?
STORY
The story of Legend of Dragoon follows a young man named Dart and his childhood friend Shana. By the time we meet Dart, he is on his way back home after a years-long journey hunting a mysterious creature called The Black Monster (Creative name no?). The Black Monster is responsible for the destruction of not only his village, but his parents as well. Having sworn revenge, Dart ventured out in hopes of finding The Black Monster.
During his return trip home, Dart discovers that the local empire has destroyed his village (He can’t get a break can he?) and kidnapped his close friend Shana. He learns all of this from mysterious armored woman named Rose. She assists him in pushing back the remaining imperial forces. It is during this battle that she reveals that she is a Dragoon – a mystical knight imbued with the powers of the legendary dragon. To Dart’s surprise, she informs him that he is a Dragoon as well!
Together Dart and Rose team up to rescue Shana from the Imperial prison. Along the way they discover a plot to overthrow the world. A plot led by Emperor Doel and his right hand Lloyd (Yes, that is his actual name).
As is tradition, we learn that there is more to this story than meets the eye. While journeying to learn the truth, we come across a wide variety of interesting characters including the 16-year old dancer Meru, the barbarian Kongol, the knight Lavitz and his king Albert, the solider sister Miranda, and the martial artist Haschel. These heroes make up the rest of the legendary Dragoon Knights. Together they must find a way to stop Lloyd before he can bring about the end of the world.
Gameplay
Legend of Dragoon uses turn-based combat with a twist. That twist being an early form of Quick Time Events – that is, pushing a specific button when prompted. These are called “Additions.”
The way this works is as follows: Whenever you attack an enemy, a blue square appears in the center of the screen. A secondary square then flies across the screen to align with the static one. You are supposed to press the X button when the two squares align. This builds your combo. Think of this like a primitive version of Guitar Hero or a Rhythm game.
Each Addition has it’s own combo length and timing. One may have three inputs whereas another has five. Some have a slower input window whereas others are a lot faster. It’s an interesting premise that felt fun at first but wore thing as the game went on. But we’ll get into that later.
Every time you perform a successful Addition, you gain Spirit Points (SP). Spirit points not only level up your Additions but they also level up your Dragoon Abilities. The more SP you accumulate, the more attacks you can do while in Dragoon form.
Dragoon Form can be activated whenever you accumulate 100 SP. Upon activation, your character will undergo a Sailor Moon style transformation in which your character dons on their Dragoon Armor. Their offense and defense increases while also gaining the ability to use Magic.
Every action while in the Dragoon State uses up 1 level of Dragoon Spirit – with a maximum of 5. So if your Dragoon level is 2, for example, you can use 2 actions before your Dragoon State runs out.
But the Dragoon State is not the only time you can use magic. You can use it in your normal state as well but, like with the Additions, there is a twist. Instead of being an ability, Magic is treated like an Item. Magic spells are purchased from shops much like you would weapons and items. To use Magic, you select it from your items list and watch as your character “throws” it at the enemy. Depending on the spell, it either activates immediately or you have to mash the X button to increase damage. Either way, magic is a limited commodity. However, even this has a downside. Again, we’ll talk about it below.
Weapons, Armor, and Accessories are treated with a more traditional flair. You equip the best ones you find to increase your chances of survival. Simple.
Review
It took us approximately 53 hours to complete Legend of Dragoon. As far as I can tell, we completely a majority of the game. We found all the stardust (a collectable required to gain access to a hidden area). I was able to defeat the optional bosses. We max leveled some (not all) of our Additions and Dragoon levels, and we were able to finish the story.
So how did it turn out?
Honestly? It was rather average. Nothing too horrible but nothing too memorable either.
First off, lets talk the cast. Although we have several interesting characters, a majority of the game revolves around Dart, Rose, and later, Meru. This isn’t a problem early on but by the end of Disc 2 and start of Disc 3, the game’s focus shifts more towards these three. We don’t really get that much development out of the others until the final disc but by then, I found myself no longer interested. They were just side stories that felt more like padding than actual character development.
It didn’t help that the story felt quite generic. I will admit that this is likely my fault. Back in 2000, before I experienced other JRPGS and anime, this story may have felt fun and fresh. By playing it today, after 2 decades of anime and RPG experience under my belt, it felt predictable and tropey. We were able to guess practically every twist and turn that Legend of Dragoon threw at us. As such, I won’t blame the game for it’s story but more myself for my experience with the game’s tropes and story beats.
But what I will find fault with is the game’s combat and item system. While I appreciate Legend of Dragoon doing something different – keeping players actively engaged with its combat system – I did find myself growing tired of constantly mashing the X button for every attack. This goes double whenever I find myself backtracking. The game forces you to travel through previous dungeons which increases the chances of you running into more enemies. This meant, for the sake of progressing through the game in a timely manner, I had to either run away, or use some repeatable spells to end the battle as quickly as possible.
Now don’t get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with the combat. Leveling up additions is easy (and not to grindy) and seeing the different attacks play out is fun. I like seeing how each character fights. It is vastly different than other JRPGs at the time which kept characters swinging their weapons in the same manner no matter what their level. So I give them points for that. It’s just frustrating to complete a string of ever growing combos when you’re trying to get from point A to B as quickly as possible.
What did bother me, however, was the unusual inclusion of an Inventory Limit. Weapons and armor are capped off around (I think) 99 items. Fair enough. Even by the end of the game, I don’t think I got close to that limit. Items on the other hand had a hard cap of 32. So there were several moments throughout the game where I couldn’t open treasure chests because I had met my item limit. This also meant that I was constantly juggling Healing, Resurrection, Magical, and Ailment Items. Eventually, I just gave up on carrying Ailment Items and limited my Magical items to the tiniest handful. Most of my inventory was reserved for healing/resurrection potions and reusable magical items.
Yet again, I must give credit where credit is due. The aforementioned Reusable Magical Items was a fantastic addition to the game. With the limited inventory space, the inclusion of specific items that could be used over and over again (with a limit of 1x per battle) really helped balance the game. These items would either boost our characters’ speed, defense, and power, or act as a magical spell to damage enemies. So points for that!
My final frustration comes from the experience points and gold gained after every battle. Admittedly this comes from someone who loves grinding and making myself as over-leveled as possible but it did irritate me that the game provided you with the tiniest amount of Experience Points and Gold after every battle. Now I know why they did this. They wanted the game’s bosses to provide the majority of the gold and experience. That’s fine. But when you are low on funds and having to grind a bit to earn enough for a new weapon or piece of armor, that tiny amount of gold earned ends up being rather annoying.
This rings especially true if you want some of the game’s most powerful armor and accessories. At 10k a pop, these items are practically unobtainable unless you grind what the game calls Unique Monsters. These monsters have very low health but very high defense and agility. This means you’ll miss a majority of the time. But this is balanced by the aforementioned low health. You just need to score between 3 to 5 hits to take down one of these Unique Monsters. The reward for defeating them? Either a ton of gold (lowest being 300, highest being 1000) or experience. So, while frustrating that I cannot grind the normal way, there is a system in place to help players like me gain that armor.
This is the developers saying “Hey, if you WANT to get this hardcore armor, you can. You just have to work for it.” A bit irritating, sure, but doable. Once again – a frustration is balanced.
And that’s pretty much how I’d describe the entire Dragoon experience – Frustrating but Balanced. For everything that irritated me about the game, there was something that I found quite enjoyable about it. It was never too hard nor was it too difficult. Game Overs did occur throughout my playthrough which came as a welcome surprise. I don’t usually experience classic old-school Game Overs as much as I used too as a kid so whenever I fail in such a manner, it comes as a shock. I go “Oh, that just happened. Let’s change up our strategy and try from a different angle!” It was fun.
All that said – I will be remiss if I didn’t talk about the two things that had no redeeming qualities whatsoever. The first being a part of the game’s design, the second being a glitch that drove me insnae.
On the design front there is something that Legend of Dragoon does that I’ve not seen in any JRPG. That is the game’s requirement of changing discs when backtracking.
Back in the day, games, especially Jrpgs, came on multiple discs. When you completed a specific area in Disc 1, it would save your progress and ask you to insert the 2nd disc to continue the game’s story. If, at any time, you decide to return to a town or location from Disc 1, you may do so without interruption. Sometimes there is a story element that prevents you from going back but usually by the final disc, you can go anywhere in the world without problem.
Legend of Dragoon doesn’t do this. Some towns are locked behind specific discs. There was one moment where I went back to one town while on Disc 4 and had to swap out to Disc 2. When I finished up in the town, I started a side quest that required me to switch to Disc 3. Now while this is a minor inconvenience, it is still an inconvenience that shouldn’t exist. As far my experience goes, this is the only JRPG that I’ve played with this problem. It’s odd and quite frustrating.
Lastly comes the “Fade to Black” glitch that I encountered three times during my playthrough. So from what I understand, the Fade to Black glitch occurs when gamers are playing Legend of Dragoon on anything other than the original hardware. This means if you are playing on a Playstation 2 or 3, or in my case, emulating the ripped discs on a computer, there is a chance the game will freeze after a boss battle.
The way the glitch works is as follows: During specific boss battles, if you transform into your Dragoon state while playing on anything other than the original Playstation 1, there is a chance that, after the battle, the game will fade to black and free. We didn’t encounter this glitch until the end of Disc 2 when we fought the Kraken boss. After discovering the glitch, a quick Google search resulted in evidence that this is a well-documented problem. That was rather disappointing to find out because now I had to do some extra research to find out which bosses I could and couldn’t use my Dragoon State on.
But you know what the kicker was? It was during the final boss of the game. After spending an absurd amount of time defeating him, I was treated to Legend of Dragoon’s final cinematic. Once the cinematic ended, however, I was not given the end-game credits but instead…
ANOTHER BLACK SCREEN CRASH!
Luckily, I had already seen the game’s final cut scene (unless there is one after the credits – I have not looked yet) so I just turned off the game and left it at that.
Conclusion
Legend of Dragoon isn’t a bad game nor is it a phenomenal game. I would describe this game as “one that exists.”
Of course I’m joking.
It’s fine for what it is. It has an interesting premise, an experimental combat system, some seriously catchy music, and – despite being a bit forgettable – a decent cast of characters. While it is true I was frustrated with a lot of the game’s backtracking and high levels of enemy encounters; none of these were enough to sour my experience altogether.
There are no regrets when it comes to Legend of Dragoon. For what it was, I enjoyed it. I am happy that I was finally able to remove it from my backlog and I am glad I was able to share my experience with those on my live stream.
Overall, I would give it a solid 7/10. A good, but flawed game, that was daring enough to try new things even if those new things weren’t always successful.
One of my fondest memories as a kid was sneaking through the Horror section at my local Blockbuster Video. It was here that I was introduced to the stunning VHS box-art designed to titillate as well as horrify. But there was one movie’s cover that stood out from all the others and that movie was DOLLS.
You see; in the days before streaming, before blu-ray, before even DVDS, we had VHS. Bulky tapes that required rewinding. That needed Vertical Hold adjustments to get a clear picture. Tapes that your VHS player could randomly eat and destroy. These wonderful relics dominated home entertainment as early as the late 70s and stayed popular until the early 2000s when DVD finally took their place. And while I do miss taping my favorite television shows as they aired live, I don’t miss the hassle that came with owning VHS. They took up a ton of space. Rewinding them was a pain in the ass and you never knew when your favorite tape would finally degrade to the point of being unwatchable.
That said, there is something that I do miss about the VHS tapes of yore. That being the box art. They grabbed your attention with their heavily stylized and usually hand-drawn artwork.
What made these so memorable, however, was that some art did not even depict a scene from the actual movie. Instead it exercised creative liberties with the movie’s overall concept. One example would be the box art for the horror-comedy HOUSE. It showed an overly detailed rotting hand ringing a doorbell. I remember it terrifying me whenever I saw it at my local Blockbuster Video. The brown flesh, the cracked fingernails, the visible muscle and bone; how could this movie NOT be scary?
Chopping Mall is another one that stands out. The robotic hand carrying a blood red shopping bag with body parts poking out of it. I learned later that the art had nothing to do with the movie but still! It looked awesome!
You have Fright Night with the clouds forming a vampire’s face above a house, Critters with a Crite standing center stage with that creepy, hungry smile upon it’s face. WaxWork with the butler opening a door to a wall of twisted monstrous faces. And who could forget ALIEN with its minimalist style of a single Xeno egg floating in the darkness of space.
Beautiful. All of them.
But then you had movies that were a mix of live action and hand drawn art. One of my personal favorites was the cover for Dead Alive (Brain Dead). It had a woman pulling her lips apart while a screaming skull peaked out from the inside of her mouth. Or what about THEY LIVE with a closeup of Roddy Piper’s face with an alien reflection in his sunglasses?
You have Tremors with the live action cast standing in the desert with a hand-drawn Graboid tentacle coming up from beneath them and Nancy’s frightened face with Freddy’s claws over her face in the original Nightmare on Elm Street VHS Cover.
The fact is, these covers were a work of art and although every movie had their own style, it was the horror genre that took box art to a different level.
Which leads me to today’s Retrospective.
Dolls (1986): A Visceral Treat for the Eyes.
As I mentioned earlier, there was one movie that stood out among all the others and that movie was Dolls. Dolls had some of the creepiest box art that I had ever seen. It was of a dolly in a red dress and black curly hair. The left side of her face was flawless. Shadows, however, bathed the right side of her face. Through these shadows you could make out the hint of a human skull. Contained within both of her hands, risen for the audience to see, were a pair of human eyes.
It had its desired effect. It scared the living hell out of me. This box art was one of those images that I would see whenever I was alone in the dark. I would imagine that little doll in my closet; staring at me with those empty eye sockets. I hadn’t even seen the movie and already I was afraid of it! But what about the movie itself?
The original release of Dolls came during the 1985 Italian MILFED Film Festival. It’s story revolves around several people who become stranded in a gigantic mansion during a horrible thunderstorm. As it turns out, the mansion is home to former toymakers Gabriel and Hilary Hartwicke; both of whom welcome the strangers to stay the night.
The group includes a young girl named Judy and her despicable father David and equally foul stepmother Rosemary; businessman Ralph, and hitchhikers Isabel and Enid. The kind-hearted Hartwickes are more than happy to let them stay the night as long as they all behave themselves.
Judy, ever the curious one, discovers that the mansion is chalk full of wonderful toys. This includes stuffed animals, marionettes, and beautifully detailed dolls. Gabriel tells Judy that he and his wife were toy makers and these were their toys. The collection enthralls not only Judy but also the businessman Ralph. As it turns out, Ralph has never outgrown his fondness for toys and is very excited to see such a collection. It does not take long for Judy and Ralph to become friends; having bonded over their mutual love for the Hartwickes’ work.
But the fun doesn’t last long. As the guests turn in for the night, one of the hitchhikers sneak out of their room with the intent of robbing the mansion. What they find instead is a pack of pissed off dolls who brutally attack the hitchhiker. Judy witnesses this event and tries to warn her parents who promptly ignore then punish her for “making up stories”. Upset, she turns to Ralph who, having seen some of the dolls move himself, believes her. Now they must team up to survive the rest of the evening while also figuring out the mystery behind the killer toys and their creators.
Right off the bat I want to talk about the movie’s special effects. They are absolutely fantastic. The crew used a mixture of marionettes, stop motion, and animatronics to bring the dolls to life and it works wonderfully. Because of the different styles of movement, it gives each toy their own distinct aura of creepiness. The jittery, twitchy stop-motion just gives a sense of wrongness to some of the dolls’ movements. Compare this to the dolls controlled by animatronics – with their eyes moving slowly in their eye sockets, their limbs moving smoothly, almost as if they were actually alive – all of which add a sense of danger to these particular toys.
Then you have the bounciness of the marionettes that somehow provide a weird sense of silliness, yet realness, of the situation. There is a scene, for example, in which a marionette gets set on fire. Its body begins bouncing and jerking about as if someone is yanking on its strings. I don’t know why but it just makes the doll feel that much more real. Like it’s actually reacting to the fire. I mean, we know there is a stagehand off camera pulling on the strings to make it move but because we never see the strings or the person pulling it, it just makes the doll feel alive.
On top of that we have the fact that the dolls are not just hollow shells but actual living, breathing creatures complete with a skeleton, muscles, and functional organs. Whenever they take damage, chunks of ceramic break off exposing their ooey gooey insides. It is a wonderful little detail that piles onto that sense of wrongness that I mentioned earlier. It makes us question the toys’ origins. Where did they really come from? How did Hartwickes manufacture them? Are they truly alive or are they possessed by something out of this world? I absolutely love it.
The same cannot be said for some of the characters. While there is nothing wrong with our victims, they do amount to nothing more than a bunch of walking cliches. You have the neglectful father, the cruel stepmother, and the greedy punk rockers. They don’t really have any development outside of their one personality trait but you know what? That’s okay. We are not supposed to root for these people. They are all despicable one way or another which makes watching them get what is coming to them that much more enjoyable.
That said, we do get some great development between Judy and Ralph. As the only characters with good intentions and kind hearts, we cannot help but worry for Judy and Ralph’s safety. I could not help but love the bond that forms between them.
I also enjoyed the toymakers Gabriel and Hilary. They are not just mindless psychopaths, luring people into their home to die for their own sick pleasure. There is a method to their madness and it makes them that much more interesting to watch. In fact, they remind me a lot of John Kramer from the SAW franchise with their philosophy on appreciating the little things in life. I don’t want to go into too much detail but there is a lot more to the Hartwickes than meets the eye.
Then we come to the gore. We get some pretty wicked kills – from someone having their eyes gouged out and replaced with doll eyes, body parts being sliced and chopped with little knives and saw blades, and even a firing squad! But the highlight comes from the doll’s themselves.
Like I said before, the dolls all contain these slimy, almost mummified bodies beneath their ceramic shells. So, seeing their true forms come out whenever they are damaged is a real treat. And they are not created equal either. Some are look as if they had been dead for decades whereas others look as if they were recently deceased. Some have pumping organs, some have red and white muscles, and some even have their eyes intact. I love the variety as it keeps each reveal fresh and unique. Honestly, I love this movie. The story is simple yet solid enough to keep you engaged, the kills are fun, the special effects top notch, and the victims despicable enough for us to root against. And honestly? I really do believe that this movie helped pave the way for other movies such as Child’s Play and Puppet Master. It contains many elements that both franchises would explore in greater detail and I feel like the effects for Dolls helped inspire the way Chuckie and the Puppets would be animated in the future.
I will always recommend Dolls to anyone who’d listen. It’s fun. It’s unique. And it is one of the few movies that lived up to its terrifying VHS cover.
Please give it a go when you have the chance. I do not think you will be disappointed.
Godzilla: Minus Zero follows the story of disgraced Japanese kamikaze pilot Koichi Shikishima (Ryunosuke Kamiki). Koichi, unable to go through with his suicide mission, fakes engine trouble and lands on the small repair station on the island of Odo. It is here where he suffers through an unforeseen catastrophe that leaves everyone at the station dead save for himself and one other mechanic. With the war coming to an end, Koichi is discharged and sent back home.
It is here, in the shambles of his war-torn home, that Koichi meets two other survivors: the resourceful Noriko (Minami Hamabe) and a baby she rescued named Akiko whose parents were killed during the bombing of Toyko. Wracked with survivor’s guilt, Koichi reluctantly allows the two to stay with him.
At first it seems like Koichi will finally be able to get past the horrors witnessed during the war. He gets a job, makes new friends, and even helps his community. Unfortunately, this all comes to a crashing halt with the appearance of a gargantuan creature known only as “Godzilla”.
With Japan on the verge of total annihilation, Koichi must face his inner demons if he has any hope in protecting all that in which he loves.
Review:
My relationship with Godzilla is a complicated one. I’ve always been a fan of the franchise despite never actually finishing a Japanese Godzilla movie. I have seen bits and pieces of them but never actually sat down to watch one. Because of this, my primary exposure to Godzilla came from the American movies – the 1998 Godzilla, the cartoon series on Fox, and, of course, the latest Monsterverse series. This makes Minus Zero the very first Japanese Godzilla movie that I’ve watched from start to finish.
And it blew me away.
I cannot describe in enough detail just how much I enjoyed this movie. It took the one complaint I had with the Monsterverse franchise – the human element – and made it not only the most important part of the movie but the motion engaging and emotional part as well.
I am not ashamed to admit that I watch Godzilla for the carnage. I want to watch a giant lizard beating on other giant monsters while destroying everything in its path. As such, I am not really a fan of the so-called human element that the Monsterverse crams into these movies.
However, that isn’t the case for Minus Zero.
The best way for me to describe Minus Zero is as follows. The Monsterverse movies are Godzilla films that just so happens to have people in it. Minus Zero is a war film that just so happens to have Godzilla in it.
Koichi’s story, along with stories of those around him, is so compelling that even if you removed Godzilla, it would still be a great movie. Watching Koichi battle his inner demons – his survivor guilt, the disgrace he feels from abandoning his kamikaze mission, and the struggles he faces daily to redeem himself – makes for a phenomenal character story.
Ryunosuke Kamiki’s performance as Koichi is masterful. You feel every raw emotion that goes through his mind. You feel his fear at going into battle. The guilt he suffers through from being one of the only two survivors on Odo. And the angry, primal pain he goes through when witnessing Godzilla’s destructive power.
I also love that he is not the typical “hero” that we’ve come to see. He doesn’t make these grandiose speeches to rile up the crowd nor does he run into battle guns blazing. He’s just a man. A man with fears, insecurities, and nightmares. As human as you and me.
The rest of the cast is just as good. There is not one person in this movie whom I feel is a waste. Koichi’s work friends are fun and entertaining to watch. The chemistry between the actors felt real and authentic – so much so that I found myself worrying constantly for their safety.
As for the finale? Oh man. Seeing the fear on their faces as they witnessed the sheer power of Godzilla in all his glory. I could not help but clutch the arms of my chair. What phenomenal acting by everyone involved in this movie.
And speaking of Godzilla. I’ve always heard of him being described as a “Force of Nature” and Minus Zero is the best example of that descriptor. He is literally an unstoppable force; a being of pure destructive power and we are but ants. Normally I cheer whenever Godzilla appears on screen but this time, I feared his presence. This was not the cartoony action “hero” that I’ve grown to love in the Monsterverse.
No.
This Godzilla is a monster through and through.
Now as much as I would love to go into more detail, I fear that if I did, I would be stepping into spoiler territory. So let me conclude with this final message.
If you have the chance to see this in theaters, do so. I went to see this in IMAX, and I don’t regret it one bit. Not only is the movie visually beautiful but the sound design is top notch. I felt every footstep, every growl, every roar as if I was there in front of Godzilla. And when his theme song kicks in – booming over the theater speakers? Oh man. What an experience.
A Black Friday sale in Plymouth Massachusetts goes wrong when a riot breaks out resulting in several deaths. Now, one year later, a mysterious man dressed up as John Carver is killing those responsible for the riot.
Review:
Thanksgiving comes from the mind of Eli Roth (Hostel, Green Inferno) and Jeff Rendell. It is based off their fake trailer, also titled Thanksgiving, that was created for 2007 film Grindhouse. In the trailer we watch a pilgrim-themed killer committing all sorts of horrific Thanksgiving-themed murders done in a deliciously corny, albeit extremely violent, Grindhouse fashion.
Eli Roth describes the 2023 movie as the “Remake” of the grindhouse movie that no longer exists. Instead, he delivers onto us a more traditional slasher movie complete with a “teenage” cast and a classic ‘whodunit’ storyline. And as a traditional slasher, the movies excels. It movies along at a brisk pace with likable characters, humorous moments, and of course, lots of kills..
What it fails at, unfortunately, is the ending. I do exaggerate when I say that Thanksgiving was rapidly climbing my list of favorite holiday-themed horror movies. It had everything I wanted. It was funny, it was creative, it had a compelling mystery that kept me guessing but all of this fumbled at the 1-yard line. I do not really know the situation (if there is one) that resulted in the ending feeling so abrupt and rushed, but I will say that it left me a bit disappointed.
Now please, don’t get wrong. The movie as a whole is entertaining as hell. I cannot tell you the last time I saw a traditional slasher movie as good as this one. It really felt like it was an homage to the ultra-violent slashers of the 80s and early 90s. Not to mention that the characters were surprisingly likable. I found myself rooting for them and it was always a bummer when one of them was attacked.
That said, the movie is not flawless. There are some odd editing moments sprinkled throughout and some of the acting felt a little wooden but none of these really bothered me.
Up until the ending. I cannot go into too much detail without spoilers. What I can say is that the ending felt incomplete. I do not know if this was intentional – setting us up for a sequel – or if it was just another example of writers not knowing how to end their movie. Either way, I could not help the sense of disappointment that I felt once the movie was over.
In conclusion, I do recommend people giving Thanksgiving a chance. I am sure that they will enjoy it despite the ending. So please, check the movie out and let me know what you thought. I will love to hear your opinions on it.
TLDR:
Pros:
Fantastic practical effects for a majority of the gore.
Feels very much like an homage to the classic, ultra-violent slasher movies of the 80s and early 90s.
Likable characters.
Lots of genuine humor.
Wonderful side-characters that really help make the town feel real and lived in.
Tense opening sequence with the Black Friday riot.
Cons:
Some gore is notably CGI. Not enough to ruin the immersion but always prefer practical.
The final act feels rushed and has some odd editing choices.
Hey everyone Mazer here and today we are talking about the peacock original series Twisted Metal. Specifically, episode one as it is the only one, I currently have access too.
Twisted Metal is a fast-paced, vehicular-combat game heavily inspired by the Mad Max trilogy. Co-created by legendary developer David Jaffe (God of War), it quickly became a cult hit that spawned several sequels including Twisted Metal Small Brawl and my personal favorite; Twisted Metal Black.
Gameplay consists of players taking control of a wide variety of colorful drivers and pitting them against one another in a battle-royale setting. What made Twisted Metal so much fun was that the battles did not take place in arenas but public spaces. You would battle through Los Angeles, Paris, even Antarctica. The world was your playground. And each game in the franchise raised the bar. We got more vehicles, more weapons, more arenas, and more chances to destroy everything in our path.
As the games evolved so did the combat. Every car played differently – some faster, some slower, some able to take more damage, some able to give out more damage, etc. Levels would become destructible – giving the players the ability to destroy buildings, Ferris wheels, and even airplanes. In Twisted Metal Black these destructible environments would give way to hidden areas which would almost double the size of some maps.
However, there was more to Twisted Metal than the combat. Like Mortal Kombat before it, Twisted Metal contains a shocking amount of lore and continuity. While several characters only exist within their specific game, there are those who survive and continue on. Most notably the Kanes; Charlie Kane, Marcus Kane, and Needles Kane. These three, along with Calypso, would play a pivotal part of the franchise’s storyline. And while I would love to do nothing more than talk about how their stories intertwine, I am here to discuss Twisted Metal’s latest in-CAR-nation; the Peacock Original Series.
This is our review of Twisted Metal Episode One.
[WARNING: SPOILERS]
WLUDRV
The episode begins with, what else? Narration.
Our narrator is John Doe and explains to us that a computer virus is responsible for wiping out all modern technology including the wireless communication, power grids, and even online porn. In order to protect themselves, cities around the country exiled their criminals before erecting gigantic walls around their borders. Those on the inside were stuck on the inside and those on the outside were stuck on the outside.
Now in order to survive the apocalypse the cities needed supplies. That is where John Doe comes in. He is a “Milk Man” – a driver who delivers supplies from one city to the next. John Doe has been a Milk Man for most of his life and he drives a heavily armored 2003 Subaru that he affectionally named Evelyn.
John Doe is good at what he does. He is an expert driver, a crack shot, and has survived more deliveries than most other Milk Men in his territory. This success has not gone unnoticed, however, as he is soon invited to a meeting with New San Francisco’s COO, Raven. She offers him a job; to go to New Chicago to pick up a package and deliver it to her within ten days time. In exchange, she will grant him citizenship to New San Fran. But if he is even a second late in the delivery, the deal is off.
John Doe agrees.
Meanwhile, along the Nevada Border, a purple hearse is desperately trying to escape pursuit of a heavily modified police cruiser. The hearse belongs to a pair of unnamed siblings played by Richard Carbel and Stephanie Beatriz while the cruiser is being driven by the relentless Agent Stone who is being played Thomas Hayden Church.
It does not take long for Stone and his deputies to destroy the hearse and capture the siblings.
Stone then explains that he is trying to restore law and order to the wastelands. And in order to do so, he will punish any crime, no matter how small, with extreme prejudice. He offers them a choice. If either one takes their own life, he will let the other go. The brother volunteers and quickly executes himself before his sister can intervene.
True to his word, Stone releases the sister but not before branding her with his sheriff’s badge. He warns her to stay out of trouble least she suffers his wraith a seco nd time.
Back in California, John Doe is seeking a map to New Chicago. He visits an old friend, a gas-station attendant named Tommy. Tommy provides John Doe with directions but warns him of the dangers waiting outside of California. The biggest of which being along his route in the city of Las Vegas. John Doe does his best to reassure his friend before venturing back out on the road.
He is able to make it to the outskirts of Vegas before being ambushed by the unnamed sister. She lures him out of his car at gunpoint with the intent of stealing his Evelyn in order to pursue Agent Stone.
He tries to calm her down but the sound of music interrupts him. And not just any music. It is the jingle of Sweet Tooth – a polka-dotted ice-cream truck driven by none other than the psychotic clown-masked killer Needles Kane (played by wrestler Joe Seanoa and voiced by Will Arnett). His maniacal laugh fills the air as the screen cuts to black and the credits roll. End of episode one.
Our Thoughts
Now what I say, I say as a hard-core fan of the Twisted Metal franchise. I absolutely love the direction the studio is going with this. They realized that Twisted Metal is an insane property that should never be taken too seriously. I mean, this is a franchise where a bunch of lunatics shoot at one another from inside crazy vehicles all in the hopes of getting their one wish granted by a burned man in a suit. The cast includes homeless men, killer clowns, race-car drivers, construction workers, a shadowy demon, the literal embodiment of death, taxi drivers, stoners, and in one game, a man in a gimp suit. The series has always had a twisted sense of humor to it and it is this humor that the show embraces like a straitjacket.
I mean, right off the bat we get a car chase that takes place inside of a God-Dang shopping mall. How Twisted Metal is that? Not to mention that the cars all look like they belong in the Twisted Metal universe – with armored plating, mounted machine guns, and rocket launchers on the roof. What I especially enjoyed was the colored smoke trail that came out whenever a rocket was fired. For those of you who don’t play the games, the missiles of Twisted Metal are all color coded; purple for homing, red for power, and orange for fire. It was a great attention to detail that I absolutely loved.
As far as the story goes; I am digging the apocalyptic take that the writers are going with. At first, I was skeptical about the whole ‘delivery man’ premise but it seems to work really well. It makes sense that the characters of Twisted Metal would be in control of their own territories. This way we can be organically introduced to them as time goes by. I am really excited to see who else John Doe runs into over the course of his journey.
Speaking of, let’s talk about the characters. Anthony Mackie is wonderful as the fast-talking John Doe. He is charismatic, charming, and a delightful smart-ass. He’s a fantastic choice for our main character and I really find myself rooting for him.
On the other side of the coin, we have Neve Campbell playing the COO of New San Francisco. At first I found her performance to be a little rough around the edges. However we soon discover that it is because she is pretending to be someone she is not. I still have some reservations about Neve’s performance but for now, I want to see more before passing judgement.
As for Thomas Hayden Church as Agent Stone and Stephanie Beatriz as the unnamed sister; I feel we don’t have enough screen time to judge either one of them proper. As of right now, Church seems to be nailing it as the corrupt Agent Stone whereas Stephanie is doing a good job at playing an angry, troubled person with a mysterious past. Hopefully both characters stick around so that we can get to know them a bit better. Only time will tell.
Finally let’s talk about the series’ mascot Sweet Tooth. I don’t know what kind of sorcery the showrunners did to pull Needles Kane from the games into the real world but they did it. He looks fantastic. Exactly like his video-game counterpart from Twisted Metal Black. His size, his movements, his mask; they are absolutely beautiful. I cannot wait for the next episode where I can enjoy Needles in all his live-action glory.
What we loved
Now if you’ll forgive me, I am just going to go on a little tirade on all the things I loved about the episode.
I absolutely love the car combat. While we didn’t get much of it, what we did see is on point.
Paying John Doe in car parts and weapons instead of money. It makes sense! What purpose does money serve in the wasteland.
It isn’t afraid of getting violent. Blood, guts, and gore baby!
The cars are BEAUTIFUL! Shadow, Outlaw, and Sweet Tooth all look like they came straight out of the video game. Even Eveyln, who is a new car, is wonderfully done.
The show seems to be mixing the dark humor of Twisted Metal 1 and 2 with the characters of Twisted Metal Black. Raven, John Doe, Agent Stone, are all characters in Twisted Metal Black. Whereas Sweet Tooth’s design comes from his Black incarnation.
The humor is on point and isn’t afraid of going dark.
Two words: Baby Seal
Despite being only 30 minutes in length, they did a great job creating a believable world that can exist in the Twisted Metal universe. I want to see more!
And there you have it. As it stands, I am very happy with how Twisted Metal is being portrayed. This is a franchise that never took itself too seriously and I am glad that the showrunners are playing up to the games’ tongue-in-cheek humor. Now let’s hope that the other episodes are just as strong. Stay tuned as we will be covering each episode as we watch them! Hope to see you then!
What is “Unexpected Horror”? To me, it is when a piece of non-horror media suddenly introduces something scary or unsettling. Examples of this could include a frightening image, an intense moment, or a complete tonal shift.
When I think of unexpected horror, I think of 80s classic Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure. There are two scenes where the tone shifts from comedic to terrifying.
The first is when Pee-Wee loses his bike. While unconscious, Pee-Wee has a terrible nightmare about his stolen bike. In this nightmare Pee-Wee sees a trio of creepy clown doctors wheeling his bike into a hospital operating room. He watches in horror as the lead surgeon begins to “operate” on his bike (by operate I mean dismantle). The surgeon removes his mask to reveal that his face has been painted with a wide, devilish smile. The makeup may not be as detailed as the other clowns’ but I think that was the point. Before removing the mask, he looked normal. After removing it, we see he is just as fiendish as the other clowns in the room.
The other is a scene is probably the most infamous. Pee-Wee is hitch-hiking along a desert road when he is picked up by a strange woman named Large Marge (played by Alice Nunn). She tells him the story of a car accident that she had witnessed on night. In the middle of the story, she says:
“And when they finally pulled the driver’s body from the twisted, burning wreck. It looked like THIS!”
She then turns towards Pee-Wee, her face twisting and contorting into this claymated mass of nightmare fuel. Her cheeks sink in, her eyes bulge out of her skull, and her mouth stretches out to inhuman proportions. It lasts just under three seconds, but it left a lasting impact in my mind.
Another example of Unexpected Horror would be the tunnel scene from Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory. A scene that does not exist in the source material; added for the sole purpose of disturbing the audience. And it works. To this day, decades later, the tunnel scene is still talked about as one of the scariest scenes in a kid’s movie.
I always found it funny that the primary source for Unexpected Horror seems to come from children’s animated movies. And what better example of than the 1981 animated film “The Fantastic Adventures of Unico”.
The Story of a Unicorn and his Devil
Unico was a Japanese Manga series written and illustrated by Osamu Tezuka. It was about a cute little baby unicorn aptly named Unico who is banished from his homeland by pantheon of jealous gods. They order the loving and gentle West Wind to take Unico to the Hill of Oblivion where he will live the rest of his life alone. However, the West Wind finds that she cannot comply with the gods’ orders. She instead secrets Unico away to a desolate island in hopes that he will be able to find friends and live a happy life.
The island is nothing more than a series of jagged cliffs, dark caves, and desolate wastelands. He soon comes across a crumbling castle where he discovers a giant demonic statue. The statue claims to be the Demon of Solitude and threatens to destroy Unico least he leaves the castle. Unico, desperate for a friend, refuses. The resulting chaos causes a pillar to crumble and collapse upon the statue, destroying it. From the rubble we discover a much smaller demon – Beezle – who is upset with Unico for destroying his father.
There was just something unsettling about this scene that I did not understand as a kid. They never really go into detail about whether the statue was alive or not. On one hand it makes sense for Beezle to use the statue as a way of scaring people but on the other hand, he seemed legitimately upset at the statue’s destruction.
However, as I watched the movie in preparation for this blog, I realized that the statue had to be alive. For you see, there is a scene where Beezle tries to shoot lightning at Unico only for his magic to fizzle out. Furthermore, the voice of the statue and Beezle’s voice don’t match. What I think happened is that Beezle was born the moment the statue was destroyed. Him coming out of the statue is the demon equivalent of being hatched from an egg. That could be the reason I found this scene so eerie. Our hero accidentally killed someone! How insane is that?
Afterwards, Unico convinces Beezle to be his friend. Beezle concedes but on one condition. He wants Unico’s horn. Unico reluctantly agrees under the condition that Beezle returns the horn after 24 hours. Beezle accepts the terms and yanks the horn off Unico’s head before attaching it to his own. He then goes on a rampage – using his new horn to tear the castle apary. During this, he ends up knocking Unico off a cliff and into the stormy seas below.
What follows next is probably the first example of unexpected horror. We watch as Unico begs for Beezle to help him. But Beezle does not know what help means and admits that even if he did, he would not bother rescuing Unico because that is “Not what Devil’s do.” He then proceeds to go back into the castle leaving our protagonist to drown.
We watch in horror as Unico struggles to stay above the water. Meanwhile, Beezle contemplates if he should bother rescuing the baby unicorn. The seconds tick by as Beezle argues with himself – bouncing back and forth between acting like a proper demon and “keeping his promise” by returning Unico’s horn. He finally decides to do the right thing and rescues Unico. He gives Unico back his horn, allowing Unico to use his powers to bring them both ashore. Unico then rewards Beezle’s kindness by giving Beezle a horn of his very own.
Unfortunately, Beezle’s happiness gets the attention of the gods who send the Night Wind after Unico. The West Wind manages to get to Unico in time and takes him away before he has a chance to tell Beezle goodbye. We then get a rather heart-wrenching scene as Beezle expresses genuine sorrow at losing his only friend. I always liked this scene as it shows Beezle’s growth from selfish little brat to someone who truly values Unico’s friendship.
The first act is cute. Beezle is a fun little gremlin, and his chaotic energy is a wonderful foil to Unico’s constant upbeat attitude. There are a few dark moments sprinkled in. Unico nearly drowning and the destruction of Beezle’s father can be disturbing to younger audiences. That said, the rest of the first act is rather light-hearted.
For you see, it is just a trick to lure you into a false sense of security. It is all downhill from here.
A cat, a witch, and a Demon Prince.
After leaving Beezle’s Island, the West Wind drops Unico off in a beautiful forest. It is here where he meets Katy, a black and white kitten with a red bow. She explains to Unico that she wants nothing more than to become a witch and will do anything in order to achieve her dream.
They soon discover a lonely old woman who lives in the woods whom Katy immediately thinks is a witch. To help Katy out, Unico uses his magic to transform her into a young human girl. Of course Katy thinks that the transformation came from the old woman thus cementing her opinion that she is, in fact, a witch.
When Unico tries to explain the situation, Katy’s stubbornness and selfishness takes over. As a result, Unico reverses the spell, turning Katy back into a kitten. This results in Katy finally accepting that the old woman is just that; an old woman. Despite being heartbroken, Katy decides to stick it out and stay with the old woman. She even goes as far as to help her with her laundry. But when the woman slips and ends up falling into the river, Katy does not even hesitate in jumping in after her.
Moved by this act of selflessness, Unico quickly transforms Katy back into a human girl. Katy then manages to save the old woman by dragging her out of the river. Proud of Katy’s development, Unico decides that she can remain in her human form.
Did you enjoy that little heart-felt, wholesome story about a baby unicorn, a cat, and an old woman? Well I hope you did because this is where the movie takes a turn for the dark and twisted.
Shortly after rescuing the old woman, Katy comes across the Prince of the Forest. He is a sinister looking man who immediately notices her naivety. He invites Katy to a party at his castle and makes it very clear that he won’t be taking no for an answer. Completely smitten by the Prince, Katy agrees.
That night the prince gallops through the forest, using his magic to corrupt the woodland critters. This causes them to turn against one another – biting and clawing any animal unlucky enough to avoid the curse.
The next evening Katy sneaks into the woods and finds some delicious berries on a nearby bush. By eating the berries (which had been corrupted by the prince’s magic), Katy falls into a drunken stupor. The trees and vines maneuver Katy through the woods, bringing her to the prince’s castle. Immediately upon seeing her, the prince begins to seduce and manipulate the young Katy into being his slave.
Unico, sensing something is wrong, ventures into the woods to find Katy. Along the way, he discovers the extent of the Prince’s corruption. The forest has been transformed into a death trap; filled with slithering thorny vines and possessed trees equipped with sharp, jagged branches meant to rip Unico apart. Luckily, he is able to escape and find his way into the castle.
Meanwhile, the prince continues to manipulate Katy – providing her with wine and drugs until she passes out. He brings her to a bedchamber with the intentions of keeping her for all eternity. Luckily, Unico finds and rescues Kary by digging a tunnel through the castle’s walls.
The escape attempt does not go unnoticed. When Unico exits his tunnel, he discovers that the prince is there waiting for him. He attacks but soon realizes that there is more to Unico than he had originally thought. As such, the prince resorts to using his dark magic to render Unico unconscious. He then takes Katy back to his castle where he chains her up on one of the castle’s many spiked towers.
So, at this point in the movie we’ve seen:
The destruction of a father figure
The near-drowning of a baby Unicorn and baby Devil
A demonic prince using his magic to corrupt the innocent animals of a nearby forest
The use of drugs and alcohol on an young girl
The kidnapping, seduction, and manipulation of a young girl by an older character
It couldn’t possibly get any worse, could it?
Yes. Yes it can.
Unico decides to go on the offensive. He grows a pair of little baby unicorn wings and lunges at the prince, slicing completely through the prince’s shoulder. Taken by surprise, the prince falls off the roof of his castle. Now if this were a Disney movie, that would be the end of the prince. He would fall off the roof much like Gaston did in Beauty and the Beast and that would be that. But this is Unico. This movie wants to traumatize you.
He doesn’t just fall off the roof. He ends up getting impaled by one of the many spires upon the castle’s roof. And if that was not enough; the movie zooms in upon his corpse. The prince looks into the camera as his body begins to rot and mutate. The landscape begins to shake, the castle begins to collapse. The ground explodes as lava erupts from the earth. The trees transform into monsterous wooden dragons and blood-red bats erupt from darkness.
As for the prince? He transforms into a gigantic demon that all but reminds me of Disney’s Chernabog. Using his unholy power, he confronts Unico and his friends, sending all sorts of horrible minions after them.
But Unico is no slouch! Using his baby wings and his little horn, he begins impaling himself upon the creatures summoned by the prince. After reaching the safety of a cliffside, Unico realizes that he must put an end to the prince once and for all.
Now what I am about to write is in no way an exaggeration. This is exactly what happens in this children’s movie.
Unico attacks the prince. He flies as fast as his little wings can carry him but the prince is just too powerful. With a swing of his mighty axe, the prince lops off Unico’s horn; smashing the little critter into the earth. Katy and Beezle (of whom the West Wind had brought) rush over to Unico’s side. Tears flowing from their eyes, they both proclaim their love and friendship upon the dying unicorn.
The power of love resurrects Unico, transforming him into a full-grown Alicorn.
Unico then flies up to meet not-Chernabog. He avoids the prince’s attacks before PLUNGING HIMSELF INTO THE PRINCE’S BODY.
I need you to read that again. In this movie made for kids, our main character literally stabs the villain in the chest then GALLOPS AT FULL SPEED THROUGH THE PRINCE’S BODY. He erupts out of the prince’s back; killing him instantly.
With the prince dead, the forest returns to normal, as does Unico – reverting back to his original young self. Unfortunately, his actions have not gone unnoticed. As Beezle and Katy check up on the old woman, the West Wind returns to take Unico away before the Night Wind shows up.
And that is how the movie ends. Unico soaring off into the distance; forced to leave his friends behind one more. There is no happy ending for our little protagonist. No post-credits scene showing Katy and Beezle looking for Unico or a hopeful little stinger that promises the audience that Unico will come back.
Nothing.
What is it about old children’s movies and sad endings?
But I digress.
The Fantastic Adventures of Unico was my introduction to genre-changing kids movies. It starts off as a light-hearted adventure movie only to transform into a scary dark fantasy film. The prince, his minions, the methods in which he manipulates and seduces Katy; these are all scenes that have been etched within my mind. Like Large Marge, like Willy Wonka’s Tunnel; the second half of this movie is a sudden and unexpected dive into the horror genre. Our bright and colorful world transforms into something dark and terrible. But never too dark to the point where kids cannot enjoy the movie. Just dark enough to keep audiences on the edge of the seat.
You can find The Fantastic Adventures of Unico on Youtube. It is also out on DVD if you know where to look and occasionally up on streaming sites like Tubitv.com. If you have a chance to watch this movie, I recommend it. I highly doubt that this entertaining albeit creepy movie will disappoint you. Thank you very much for joining us today. If you have seen The Fantastic Adventures of Unico or its sequel, Unico and the Island of Magic, please let me know your thoughts in the comments below!
Magic did something I never thought possible; it elevated Anthony Hopkins beyond that of Silence of the Lambs.
Silence of the Lambs, Jim Carry, and Chicken Skin.
The Silence of the Lambs and I have an interesting relationship. Not only was it my first Psychological Thriller, but it was also the movie that introduced me to the acting abilities of Sir Anthony Hopkins. Funny enough, my introduction to this movie came from a very unusual source.
I, like most teenagers of the 90s, was a huge fan of Jim Carrey. And in 1996 he starred in the Dark Comedy The Cable Guy. I saw it by myself (my dad was working and my mom disliked Jim’s movies) and I remember not being that impressed with the movie. It was not like Ace Ventura or The Mask. This was something else and I didn’t quite understand it at the time. However there was one scene that stuck with me well after the credits rolled.
That scene is when Lloyd the Cable Guy is having dinner at Medieval Times. He peels the skin off his roasted chicken and spreads the skin across his face. In a deranged voice he says “Look, Silence…of…the Lambs.”
Now, being thirteen years old, I didn’t get the reference. However that didn’t stop me from recreating the joke months later.
You see, my parents took my brother and me to a very fancy restaurant; one that required us all to dress up in suits and ties. I ordered a chicken dish and when it arrived, I noticed that it had the skin still attached to it. I cut the skin off and, while channeling my inner Jim Carrey, held it up high while repeating the line from The Cable Guy. “The Silence…Of The Lambs!”
I do not remember how my father reacted, but I DO remember the look on my mom’s face. She practically dropped her fork onto the table. Oblivious to the reference but proud of her reaction, I repeated myself. “Look! Silence of the Lambs!”
My parents were quick to stop me although I did not understand why.
Throughout the entire dinner, I kept asking “What’s Silence of the Lambs? What’s wrong with Silence of the Lambs?” much to the embarrassment of my poor mother. She finally informed me that she would explain what it was once we finished dinner. My curiosity sated, I shut up and we finished our meal in peace.
When we got back to the car, I excitedly chirped; “So what is Silence of the Lambs?” to which my mother shouted back to me; “It’s about a man who EATS PEOPLE! And he cut a man’s face off and WORE IT LIKE A MASK!”
And that was my introduction to The Silence of the Lambs.
I did not get around to seeing the movie until four years later when I turned seventeen. I had just started getting into horror movies and saw The Silence of the Lambs at my local BlockBuster. Remembering the dinner incident, I decided to rent the movie and see what all the fuss was about.
I am happy to report that the movie lived up to its reputation. Even though the movie featured Anthony Hopkins for only sixteen minutes, those sixteen minutes left an everlasting imprint on my mind. I had never seen a movie like this before and it quickly became one of my all-time favorites. I not only became a fan of Anthony Hopkins but of the thriller genre as a whole. It opened the doors for such movies as The Machinist, In the Mouth of Madness, and Se7en.
Funny enough, I’ve haven’t watched Anthony’s other movies. The only others I’ve seen him star in are Hannibal, Red Dragon, and RED 2. It’s not as if I have been avoiding his work; I just never got around to it.
After all. His portrayal of Hannibal Lecter is widely considered to being his best performance. There cannot exist a movie that surpasses that role.
Right?
Wrong.
This brings us to Magic.
The Synopsis
Magic is a 1978 psychological thriller starring Anthony Hopkins as an inspiring entertainer named Charles “Corky” Withers. After failing as a magician, Withers decides change things up by becoming a ventriloquist. He introduces the audience to his puppet (eerily enough modeled after Anthony himself), named Fats.
Fats is a foul-mouthed, crass little sonovabitch whose one-liners and quick wit proved to be an instant hit with audiences. So much so that Withers is offered his very own television show. But the contract requires Withers to take a medical examination – something that he refuses for fear of the doctors discovering his declining mental stability. You see, he has grown so dependent on Fats that he can no longer function without the dummy at his side. To avoid the examination, Withers decides to retreat to the Catskills where he grew up.
While in town Withers reunites with his high-school flame, Peggy Ann Snow (played by Ann-Margret). The two quickly bond over Withers’ ventriloquism and magic tricks. Fats, who Withers had brought along with him, is not pleased with this new arrangement. He begins to belittle, manipulate, and berate Withers; going as far as pushing Withers to attempt suicide.
With his grasp on reality slipping, Withers finds himself stuck between Fats’ influence and the love of his life. Will he be able to pry himself free from Fats and live happily ever after or will he continue his descent into insanity?
Magic Movie Review
Magic did something that I never thought possible; it elevated Anthony Hopkins’ beyond that of The Silence of the Lambs. This is not him portraying a charming psychopath who uses flowery language and sudden violence to manipulate and subdue his victims. This is him playing a simple man who is on the verge of a psychotic breakdown.
There are two specific scenes in the movie that stand out. The first involves Fats and Withers getting into a verbal argument. During this, Withers begs for Fats to leave him alone – that he would do anything Fats wants in exchange for his freedom. This leaves us with a scene where Anthony Hopkins is barking like a dog, rolling around on the floor, and pleading to an expressionless dummy.
It is uncomfortable to watch – almost voyeuristic as we, the audience, watch this man descend deeper and deeper into madness. This is only made better by Anthony’s dedication to the role. He is playing against a puppet, a piece of wood that is not animated like the puppets in Puppet Master or possessed as in Child’s Play. He is just screaming, ranting, raving at an inanimate object that, off-camera, continues to verbally abuse him.
The second scene involves a visit from Withers’ agent, Ben Greene (Burgess Meredith). Without spoiling too much, Greene visits Withers to check up on his mental state. He orders Withers to “Shut Fats Up for 5 minutes” – meaning that Withers is not allowed to speak through Fats whatsoever (A coping mechanism that Withers had developed throughout the movie). We watch as Anthony Hopkins begins squirm and sweat in his chair, constantly shifting his attention to the dummy. He tries to make small talk; tries to act normal but is unable to do so.
This would be intense on its own but when Withers begins to break down; that is when we finally see just how far he has fallen.
Whereas the previous scene is a show of madness, this is a scene of quiet desperation. Like a man addicted to smoking, Withers is unable to function without the use of Fats. I have never seen Anthony Hopkins’ act in such an undignified manner and it is frightening.
But the movie is so much more than these two specific scenes. It is a journey. One that keeps you engages from start to finish. And it is not just Anthony Hopkins that does a wonderful job but the other cast members as well.
Ann-Margret as the love interest is the perfect blend of sweet and sympathetic. We are torn between wanting her and Withers to get together and wanting her to discover the truth and run away.
Ben Greene wants desperately to help his long-time client and friend. And while he does not have a lot of screen time, we are still rooting for him. We want him to help Withers. We want Withers to be free of Fats’ control.
On the flip-side we have Peggy Ann’s husband Duke (Ed Lauter) who acts as our foil. Suspicious of Peggy’s involvement with Withers, Duke becomes an obstacle for not only Withers, but Fats as well.
I cannot believe that I had slept on this movie for so long. If I am being honest with you, I didn’t even know this movie existed until I found it while browsing through the movie app Tubi. I chose Magic on a whim and I cannot express how happy I am that I did. Not only has this movie become one of my all time favorites, but it has also elevated Anthony Hopkins’ acting ability in my eyes. Because of this, I will be making it a personal point to watch more of his older films.
I cannot recommend this movie enough. If you have time on your hands and are looking for a new thriller, please give Magic a chance. You will not be disappointed.
